So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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