i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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