Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
