i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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