Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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