i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
