I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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