Someone shit on the floor
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
