Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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