you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
