And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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