She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
