Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
