Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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