Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
