Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
