so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
