onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
