chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
