Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
