Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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