So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
