I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
