Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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