I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think my moral compass just broke
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
