I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
