I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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