Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
