Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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