Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
