and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
