What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
