Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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