She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
