At least make sure they are 18
Why
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
