dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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