I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
