You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's shark week go big or go home
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
