maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
40s are totally the cure
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
