Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
