So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
