If that was your dad, he is hot
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
