My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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