On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
