she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
