Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
