he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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