dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
