If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
