i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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