I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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