anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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