New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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