I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
