Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
